no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Randomize
