dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
