He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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