I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Buhtt sex?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
