I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
