Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
