fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
