Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
