this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
