after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
