The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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