i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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