I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
