My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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