I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
