so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
kristin has been a bad kristin
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
