is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
