If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
