the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
