i jhust puked up my retainher.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
