I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
