i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
