just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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