I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
