Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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