I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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