you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
