dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
