I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
