Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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