you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
