I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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