ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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