I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She is in my trunk
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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