I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
