Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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