i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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