i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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