How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
