there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think my moral compass just broke
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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