I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
