Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
