Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
