I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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