I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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