he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
