He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
