Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
