She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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