my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
