I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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