i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
