We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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